Secret Wars #6

 Title: Secret Wars
 Lookback: Crossover Crisis!
 Posted: 2006
 Staff: Malcolm St. Pierre (E-Mail)


The Beyonder transports Marvel's greatest heroes and villains to Battle world, where he commands them to duke it out. The winning side gets whatever they desire. He can do this because he's the Beyonder. So far, its Captain America's team and the X-Men: 3, and Doctor Doom's villains: 2, with Galactus making plans to eat the entire planet!

Story 'A Little Death...!'

The Wasp (who, two issues ago, escaped from Magneto in a space ship she now realises she can't steer) bounces around the rocky terrain, fretting over not having a chauffeur, and about the ship diving with its head first into a small hill. She blames her predicament on Magneto, who, she reasons frantically, should have seen this coming and captured her. Surviving the crash intact, the Wasp is mortified to find... that she's broken a nail! Hey, I cried. The ship projects a holographic map and tells her where to go. Deciding that there's nothing to be lost, she follows the instructions, but not before blasting the piece of tin to kingdom come. Flying off through the various types of terrain, the Wasp zaps off giant bees as she searches for a place to rest. Finding one within an immense swamp, she comes to a stop...

... to be met by the Lizard, who isn't happy about having a visitor! Leaping out of the way just in time to be nearly crushed by a boulder, the Wasp is surprised to be confronted by the raging mad Lizard!

Aboard Galactus' giant home that's been floating above the planet for the past few issues, Doctor Doom discovers with the help of some super sophisticated technology that "Klaw! The Self Styled Master of Sound!" resides within the ships technology. Klaw, however, is daffy (DAFFY, Daffy, daffy,..... like that) and Doom realises that he's freed someone who's not the brightest bulb of the bunch. Klaw recounts how he had been fighting Dazzler, a mutant who converts sound into light. Klaw didn't know that, and got pretty much destroyed. When Galactus came a' running to Dazzler looking for a herald, Klaw was shot out of her into the ship. Honestly, Doom could care less, and he says as much.

Doom decides he needs to work with what he's got. He needs to delay the completion of Galactus' world devouring machine. Cap and his group have been trodden on for the past hours, and the X-Men don't have the punch to be able to face Galactus. Spying upon a range of volcanoes, Doom realises what need be done and sends Klaw to his villains with orders. Klaw appears in the villain base to the surprise of the baddies and utters the keyword to Ultron, who now obeys him. Since Ultron can disintegrate them all, they listen.

Back in the swamp, Wasp seems rather laid back, what with having a mini Godzilla out to get her. However, the Lizard seems as terrified of the Wasp as she is of him. "Ssswamp isss mine" he mumbles to Wasp, who acts as one would to a lost child. Wasp discovers that the Lizard is hurt. She makes it her job to help bandage the wound (which he probably received back in Issue 2), despite the Lizard's protests.

The X-Men and Magneto, back at their base that was blasted in half by Galactus, are arguing. Magneto prides himself in having saved them all from Galactus' attack after Cyclops complains about the mess, whereas Cyclops blames Magneto for causing the attack in the first place. Xavier, ever the dutiful leader, rests. He has to appear strong and lead his X-Men into battle, yet his legs are tired and not fully re-usable again. Xavier makes a telesweep (its not called that, but basically he randomly reads peoples minds from all over the planet to try and figure things out). He tries to read the villains minds, but the Enchantress rejects his probing, scolding him for even trying. Xavier, however, has already learned her plan.

Xavier telepathically orders Cyclops, Rogue and Wolverine to the volcano range where a group of villains are heading. Storm gets pretty angry: These are her X- Men! Where does the bald guy get off commanding them! Xavier asserts that for the time being, he's the leader. And, he adds kind of sinisterly, he won't tolerate insubordination or desertion. Storm realises the stakes, and somberly storms off, commenting that "he is willing to beat his own troops into submission just so that he gets the honor of leading them into battle".

Colossus, back with the other heroes, has just recovered. Upon seeing the Healer, Zsaji, he confesses that though he misses his love, Kitty Pryde, he is stricken by her amazing beauty. She doesn't understand him, at all, and Colossus realises that it is better that she doesn't. Before this revelation can take root, Johnny Storm swings in and picks Zsaji up, flying around and flirting with her. So much for that revelation; Colossus is pissed off. Elsewhere, the other heroes are making a battle plan for what to do when Galactus starts eating the planet. She Hulk wants to go and beat Magneto's head in for kidnapping Wasp, yet Cap thinks that they shouldn't concern themselves, since Magneto helped them. The quickly-losing-his-Banner-intelligence Hulk crushes some no doubt thick rock, yelling "Lets smash him! Or lets smash Doom! Or Galactus!" Hulk wants to fight! Cap, still, takes a more conservative, biding-our-time approach.

Spidey and Hawkeye do some talking. Hawkeye, who he believes is just a guy in a funny suit without his high tech arrows that Reed Richards cannibalized in issue 4, is trying to make new ones. A reminder is popped in that Spider-Man also had his web shooters cannibalized. The African American Iron Man, James Rhodes, swings by Captain Marvel, saying "Whats happenin' babe?" She's kind of stressed, and tells him off for trying to hit on her. She's a little surprised that Iron Man has been acting so weird lately. Iron Man is baffled at why he was rejected, not to mention the weird headaches he'd been having.

A villain team consisting of Titania, Molecule Man, Wrecker and Doc Ock land on the volcano, with the X-Men team I mentioned before right behind them. Wolverine rashly attacks, getting knocked out of the game instantly when he jumps into a speeding boulder tossed by Titania. Cyclops fires off a beam as a distraction (which Molecule Man blocks with a newly created lump of rock), and Rogue flies in, to be batted away by Titania. Cyclops blasts away the villain, but its all of the villains vs. Cyclops: No contest. Not quite, as Wolverine jumps from nowhere and nearly kills Molecule Man with a well placed slash. Before he can actually kill the little guy, Cyclops forces him away, refusing to allow a murder to occur. Molecule Man appears to have been the point of the mission, so the villains head for the hills. Rogue is relieved, as she will not need to face the question of her allegiance this battle.

Looking into the Volcano, Cyclops decides to blast it with his optic blasts. What ensues is a chain reaction of volcanoes exploding. The X-men hurry into their ship and fly away, hoping what they've done is the right thing. Back at the swamp, Wasp finishes bandaging the Lizard's wound. She coddles him like a child, commenting on how he was a very good patient and how she suspects that he might be nice after all. The Lizard, however, hatesss all humansss. Wasp believes in judging people on their personalities and not on their reputations. "Wasssp isss crazy!" Wasp demands an apology, and Lizard promptly says he's sorry. Yep, all seems to be going well, until the villains come in the biggest bulldozer you ever saw and blast Wasp with a laser beam, apparently killing her. Lizard is enraged, and attacks the villains who've come to retrieve him. The villains trap him and the late Wasp in a tractor beam, dragging them along with the intent of disposing Wasp's body.

Back at the village, the heroes watch as Galactus begins putting the finishing touches on his machine. Reed has asked for one more chance to reason with him the next morning, and until then, the heroes wait. But, as they do, a suspicious figure hovers in the darkness, waiting, watching...

General Comments

This issue was fine, but it dragged like nothing before it! There are numerous sub plots and obstacles that have been present in the series since the beginning, which have been more re-represented rather than built upon. There is little action, and the story goes pretty much nowhere, as it as for the past few issues, except the past few issues had action.

The only thing that shined in this issue was the Lizard being humbled by the Wasp, which was pretty cute. Other than that, and the two page fight, there was nothing in this issue that sets it apart from any other story.

Overall Rating

A fight where Wolverine dives into a speeding boulder, and the Lizard says his pleases and thank yous is a saving grace in an issue that has almost no meat to its bones.


Its Heroes: 4 and Villains: 3, and the series is half over.

 Title: Secret Wars
 Lookback: Crossover Crisis!
 Posted: 2006
 Staff: Malcolm St. Pierre (E-Mail)