Spider-Man: Get Kraven #4

 Posted: 2004
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)


Spider-Man's "Get Kraven" hasn't featured Spider-Man for the last two issues. It also hasn't really featured much action, pathos, wit, or... you get the idea.

Story Details

Oh, yeah... baby. Kraven and Timby are shagging Scott Baio's bedroom. Oh, how sexy... how clever... how irrelevant. Next page.

Ben, our out-of-luck script-writer is off to see his agent. He turned down a green-light on his script (for ethical reasons) and is discovering that Hollywood is rather in-bred and rather vindictive. His agent has just become his ex-agent.

Meanwhile, Kraven is hopping out of bed for some post-coitial, late-night cereal when he hears an intruder. It's the Rothsteins, the big-name director types (who co-incidentally are the same directors that black-balled Ben for declining their green light on his script, not that Kraven has met Ben yet).

The Rothsteins have come to lean on the new director in town, namely Kraven. They brought some muscle with them - three guys rather obscurely named Stitch, Gerbil, and Script Doctor. I guess they're in-jokes if you're up with the industry lingo. Fight happens. Bad guys scram.

Ben talks with his local drug dealer. Turns out the drug dealer is a bit of a philosophical type, and happens to deal junk to a lot of guys with dead scripts. That's Hollywood, huh. I'm sure it's very clever, if you're on the in crowd.

Kraven heads back to bed.

Adrian Toomes (yep, the Vulture) turns up at Kraven's office, looking for a part in the movie. He gets one. Even though the movie doesn't have a script yet.

Kraven and Timby go see their producer, Ned Tannengarden. He's having his blood changed. I guess that's an LA thing. Jack Monroe, some big name movie guy, turns up and is looking for a decent movie to make. He offers to join Kraven's film. Kraven's scriptless film.

Tannengarden reckons Kraven and Timby have an image problem, so he sends them to some PR expert - Connie Hunt. More on that next month. Ben, the script writer, breaks onto National studios. There's some more subtle in-jokes, I'm sure they're funny if you're in the industry.

General Comments

This poorly crafted tale has about as many twists as a yardstick (that's a metre ruler to you metric types). The plot meanders its way inanely through the numbers, interspersed with pointless cameos, and gags that probably mean something to the guys that Zimmerman hangs out with - but which go right over my head.

The interspersing of the plot lines in cut-scene fashion appears to be a (tragically unsuccesful) attempt to add some 'complexity' to what is essentially a linear storyline, as Kraven knocks over one-by-one the obstacles in his way to making a film. There is no sense of conflict, or depth of character, or any other ingredient of modern successful popular entertainment.

If you're a rather dim-witted Hollywood wannabe with a particular fascination for shambolic drivel-fests, then you might just be able to make your way through this series without feeling terminally insulted by the implication that anyone could find this stuff entertaining. In which case, you have my sympathies.

However, I must admit to one error in the review of the Spider-Man: Get Kraven #2. I said that it was laughable that Namor would be giving Kraven advice. However, it has been pointed out to me that in Fantastic Four #9, Namor did own a film studio - as part of a plot to destroy the Fantastic Four (excepting Sue, of course).

Well, of course. I'm sure Namor didn't just buy a studio and use it for his plan. I'm sure he spent a great deal of time interacting with various other key players in Hollywood, and coming to grips with the underlying politics of that most particular place. In fact, as a reknown method actor, Namor would have doubtless insisted on immersing himself completely in the role he intended to play - rather than merely using the pretext of the film studio for his diabolical plot.

Namor is famed for his love of interaction with humans, and his ability to understand humanity, especially the more esoteric land-loving characters that I'm sure he came to know and love during his brief stay. Clearly, the idea of Namor as a Hollywood insider is far more feasible than I might have lead you all to believe with my previous review, and I apologise for any of you that may feel somewhat mislead.

Overall Rating

An extra half-web to make up for my not being aware about Namor's 40 years of Hollywood expertise. I should also mention that the covers are quite good also. Shame about the contents.

 Posted: 2004
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)