Spider-Man: Get Kraven #3

 Posted: 2004
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)


Part three of seven. Can we last the distance?

Story Details

Kraven and Timby are out jogging with their dog. Zimmerman espouses some of his personal prejudices through Al's mouth. They talk more about Scott Baio. No, I've told you already, I'm not kidding about Scott Baio.

Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, etc., etc.

The fat movie execs who own the script (the one that Al doesn't yet know he's going to use) are still fat. More Kevin Smith name dropping goes on. More over-the-top, completely-lost the-point attempts at satire.

Pam Anderson name drop, etc. Look, I'm going to stop listing these. Just please assume that all the way through this comic and the rest in the series, Zimmerman uses real names and real characters to a) remind everybody that he is in "the industry" himself, and b) avoid having to actually create a coherent work of fiction - regardless of the fact that that's the job he's actually being paid to perform!

Meanwhile, Timby is lined up for a script-reading for a role in a TV series. The girl who is there before her is a bit doped up on anti-depressants and alcohol. Why? 'cos she's stressed. Why? 'cos the studio keeps calling her in for repeat reads, but doesn't give her the job. They're just being cruel, I guess. That makes sense. I'm sure studios execs deliberately waste their own time for a bit of idle cruelty.

The doped-up girl collapses in her reading, so Timby gets a go. She's auditioning for "That 60's Show". The three scriptwriters are there - all young males, who are totally full of themselves. Timby doesn't have enough respect for their genius, and so they ask her to leave.

So, now we get to the point of the whole interview. These guys are full of their own importance, have been rude to Timby, and drove that poor previous candidate into drug-dependency. So clearly, they must pay!

Timby violently assaults all three scriptwriters, threatens to kill them, and forces them to give the job to the poor abused prior candiate. Clearly, Zimmerman thinks this is poetic justice. I'm guessing he thinks that this kind of behaviour is all too common in his industry, and it's his job to expose it, and help balance the scales.

Well, I'm not quite so convinced myself. Even if we accept the apparent poor manners of the scriptwriters on the studio, I'm uncomfortable with the implications...

Firstly, I don't like the idea of accepting a difficult working environment as a valid reason for developing a drug dependency.

Secondly, I don't think that treating people badly necessarily justifies being brutally beaten and threatened with death (although clearly there are cases when this is appropriate).

Finally, Timby's retribution is rather poorly directed. There's no indication that the woman she forced into the part is actually any good as an actress. Plus, as she points out, the script is crap. She just forced the guys to put the poor woman into a show with a rubbish script. Kind of poorly-thought-out all round.

But putting that aside, the worst thing is that the whole scene just comes across as some sort of half-dreaming fantasy. In this perfect world, when some people piss you off, and you get to beat them up, hand out instant justice with a couple of random demands, and walk away with a self-rightous feeling mixing with the adreneline in your veins.

Basically, it's just one big wank.

That was the climax of the book. In the remaining pages, our scriptwriter is still trying to kill himself. Al employs a secretary - a useful one, rather than a bimbo. Zimmerman makes a big point of this. Apparently, nobody in Hollywood has a good secretary; they all just hire the ones with big bazookas. Not quite sure that's 100% correct. Surely there are some that meet both criteria?

Plus, Chameleon/Kraven attacks Al, but Timby and Nickel (their dog/wolf) turn up and save the day.

General Comments

Zimmerman has insulted my intelligence, been rude to my fellow readers, and has caused my alcoholic dependence... (I had to drink two whiskey and lemonades to summon the strength to review part 3).

Clearly by his own laws of poetic justice, I have the perfect right to beat him to a pulp.

Hmm... actually, when you put it like that, it sounds pretty reasonable.

Overall Rating

Half a web for beating the bejeesus out of the guys who invented "That 60's Show", and half a web for that gratuitous flash of lacy underwear in scene 4.

 Posted: 2004
 Staff: The Editor (E-Mail)