What If... Grim Hunt (Story 2)

 Posted: Mar 2011


Venom. Deadpool. Created within a few years of each other (1988 & 1991 respectively) they are practically the polar opposite of each other. For years Venom took the zombie route and tried to eat Spider-Man's brains. Deadpool on the other hand, makes you question whether or not he has a brain at all.

In this backup story, we see what happens when these two characters are combined into one: Venompool. Will they be peanut butter & jelly or oil & vinegar? We'll see, True Believers, we'll see.

Story 'What If Venom Possess Deadpool'

In universe 615.9 [on the far, far, far right side of your radio dial] we return to the Jerry "Uatu" Springer show circa 2001. His guests today are Venompool, the voluptuous Carnage Curl, and the Beyonder who are caught in a three-way love triangle [Scared already] Springer promises that after this episode you'll feel better about yourself. [True. I always feel like a rocket scientist after watching Springer for just 10 minutes.]

It appears that Venompool and the Beyonder have been competing against each other for years with the Beyonder always coming out on top [Ewww.. gross] Venompool decided to end their rivalry once and for all and purchased the "Retcon Expungifier" eliminating him - and his numerous victories - from continuity.

His plan involved tricking him into showing up at his apartment, forcing him to listen about selling Amway products (which would lower his guard), and then "expungify" him from existence. The Beyonder outsmarted Venompool and brought along his archenemy the Carnage Curl as his date. Venompool lists her violations: killing his uncle (Buffalo Hopscotch), destroying a lab where he tried to work on a rectal-safe version of Olestra, and leaving a "souvenir" in his bathroom during his birthday party.

The three begin to bicker in true Springer form with some occasional insight ("Stupid people need to create unneccessary drama as it offers the illusion that big [things] are happening"). Carnage Curl then announces that she is pregnant with the Beyonder's child. Then Galactus appears stating that he's the baby daddy [Galactus saying "baby daddy" is almost worth the price of admission].

The Beyonder is furious and they begin to fight which ultimately destroys Earth.

General Comments

*Bzzzzt*... *Bzzzzzt*.. Hello, 2001? Got something that you might want.. a story that's only really relevant and/or funny if it was written while you were in charge.

Overall Rating

2 webs. Don't get me wrong, some of the jokes were funny. I just question why you'd do a Jerry Springer parody now. If this were in fact written in 2001, I would find this to be hilarious as it was parodying current shows/trends.

I have read a very funny Rick Rememder Deadpool story. This was in Deadpool #1000. Remender can do comedy. This is just a dated concept that would have been funny - literally - last decade.

 Posted: Mar 2011