A Quick Health Check on Comic Books

Ever wondered if modern comics could get life insurance? Let's pop comics under the stethoscope and see what kind of shape they're in... This is just a physical, mind you. Next month I'll lay comics down on the psychiatric couch and we'll really see what makes them tick.

  • Muscle Tone: Ooops, spreading to fat a little here. Too many titles with not enough meat on their bones.
  • Reflexes: Poor. Responds very slowly to reader reaction, and tends to over-compensate.
  • Heart: Not used very often. Prepared to sacrifice much beloved characters just to make a few bucks.
  • Circulation: Very good in the middle regions and mainstream titles, rather poor in the extremities.
  • Hearing: Hears good news very well, bad news often not heard - see the letter pages of most titles.
  • Vision: Got married to Scarlet Witch, not very effective now.
  • Strength: Clearly sufficient, since 99% of the conflicts in modern comics seem to be solved by the use of direct force.

Overall it doesn't look very good, does it? Still, we all know that nobody ever dies for ever in comics - do they?