Comics : Spider-Man: Lifeline #3

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This review was first published on: 2004.

Background...

A long, long time ago - a story was told of The Secret of the Petrified Tablet which possessed (some said) the power to grant immortal youth.

This seemed to lead somebody into imagining that the "Petrified Tablet" story itself may also have immortal youth, hence this attempt to exhume it for a limited series. Sadly, it seems there's no life left in this tale.

In Detail...

Spider-Man: Lifeline #3
Jun 2001 : SM Title
Summary: Lizard, Boomerang, Dr. Strange, Hammerhead drinks formula
Editor:  Ralph Macchio
Writer:  Fabian Nicieza
Pencils:  Steve Rude
Inker:  Bob Wiacek
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Articles: Boomerang, Doctor Strange, Hammerhead, Jameson, J. Jonah, Lizard

Big scrap. Lizard takes to the sewers. Hey, who thought that up? That's a good one.

Everybody talks, wanders around a little. Turns out Hammerhead wanted the formula for some kid who is in hospital. Oh, Spidey gets the missing piece of the tablet from... oh, somewhere.

The Lizard controls himself long enough to finish another batch, this time with the whole recipe. Cops arrive. Big scrap, and the person who drinks the potion is... Hammerhead! Hey, cool, he turned into a Living God.

OK, now we need a wrap-up. Hammerhead un-Lizards the Doc Connors (and restores his arm too), and offers Spidey to bring back Gwen by swapping some lives around (because the cosmic balance must be retained). But no, too late! Hammerhead gets sucked back into his regular state of un-cosmic-ness.

But that's OK, because while Connors was fooling around, Peter invented a cure for cancer. You think I'm kidding, right? So, I guess he'll just patent it, and claim his Nobel prize? Hey, not in this crazy world.

Strange takes the tablet. Hammerhead goes to jail. Everybody happy, except Peter, who must live with his great loss, concealed beneath a quip and a jest. Ahh... what poetry.

In General...

The dialog is corny, the plot is inane, the characters are recycled, and the art looks better suited to some kids title like "Spider-Man Adventures". Don't be fooled by the cover painting, there's none of that stuff inside the book.

Oh, and hey, the cosmic balance must be maintained. That'll really piss off the guy whose arm went to Doc Conners.

Overall Rating...

Confusing, bland, and entirely unnecessary. Well below par. If your collecting habits will allow you to do so, I can recommend you skip this one.

Of course, the cosmic balance must be maintained, so I'll have to give the missing rating to another title. Hopefully one more deserving than this.