Comics : Spider-Man: Get Kraven #5

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This review was first published on: 2004.

Background...

There's still no sight of Spider-man, taste, humour, plot or purpose to Get Kraven. But, basically what you've got is Al Kraven trying to set up a movie studio with his girlfriend Timby and along the way getting involved in all sorts of mixed up Hollywood hijinks.

In Detail...

Spider-Man: Get Kraven #5
Dec 2002 : SM Title
Editor:  Axel Alonso
Writer:  Ron Zimmerman
Pencils:  John McCrea
Inker:  James Hodgkins
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Articles: Alyosha Kravinoff

This issue opens with Kraven and Timby bemoaning the fact that they're getting somewhere with there movie, but currently have no script. Just at that moment, Ben, the out of luck scriptwriter, decides to jump off a nearby building. He lands near Kraven, script in hand. Kraven and Timby go to help and discover the script and proclaim it good!

Later they meet with Connie Hunt, their public relations chick. She gives them some advice, like no fighting, try to negotiate, etc.

Back at their office, Ben is concious. Kraven, Timby and the Vulture negotiate with him for use of his script. Ben gets all sobby because he's finally found someone who appreciates him and his script.

Meanwhile, there's a spa bath meeting happening at Ned Tannengarden's office. (Keep in mind Ned is supposed to be Kraven's friend) In attendance is the Rothsteins and Connie Hunt. They plan the downfall of Kraven. Oh the treachery!

Back at Scott Baio's pad, Kraven is holding a little BBQ with his newfound friends to celebrate the progress on their film. He goes inside to get some drinks and is electricuted and then bashed by the Rothsteins and their hired muscle.

Timby is out in the backyard during this and decides to go to her room and put on her swimming costume. Once she enters the room she is ambushed by the Rothsteins and friends. Nickel, her pet wolf is shot. And Timby is raped by the Rothsteins.

By this time Kraven has managed to crawl outside in an effort to warn the others. He then goes back inside to discover Timby raped and Nickel shot. After calling for someone to get an ambulance, Kraven stalks off vowing some people are going to die...

In General...

Permanent mental scarring. That's the best way to describe how I felt after reading this. This comic isn't just bad, it's just plain wrong. And it's so far from the mark it's aiming for that its sad.

Our previous reviews have pointed out the numerous ways in which this series is probably the worst comic around and we've given Zimmerman a hefty bashing. But, this issue goes even further than any of those previous crimes. Zimmerman, who I think has been aiming for humour during most of this series, decides to mix his humour with some other elements this issue. He has a hot tub lard love scene. And a gang rape scene! These scenes were just so jarring and totally out of sync with the crap that had gone before that my feelings for the series quickly turned from disdain to vitriolic.

I was sorta of surprised with Zimmerman at first, because it seemed he was actually moving things along a little. And the end of the series seemed to be in sight, which is a good thing in and of itself. But, then after yet another mention of Scott Baio (what is it with Zimmerman and Baio? Why does he have to mention at least 3-4 times an issue?) everything slightly promising was just progressed into something so horrible I find I don't have the vocabulary to describe it.

I just don't understand how Joe Quesada and Axel Alonso could've gone ahead with this series. I just can't fathom why they think the sun shines out of Zimmerman's butt, so much so that they let him cheaply ressurect the Chameleon, write such crap under the banner of Spider-man without actually featuring Spider-man and that they think he does such a good job that they give him other series at Marvel because of his supposed success and talent. Most of all I can't believe that these two talented editors, who have helped steer produced some of the best Spidey comics in years, have actually read Get Kraven and thought that it was worth publishing! I've seen Joe come out in Zimmerman's defense and I get the picture that he thinks fan's like myself are just giving Zimmerman a hard time and that we only represent a minority. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE JOE! Please, and lead a campaign to erase all traces of this series and the fact that it ever existed!

Overall Rating...

I really don't think I've read anything worse. Sadly, the system here will only let me give half a web as the rock-bottom. Really, if there was any justice, we would give this story minus five webs to recognise the fact that it contains anti-quality.