Comics : Spider-Man: Friends and Enemies #3
This story is part of a Lookback Series: Worst of the Worst
This review was first published on: 2002.
We continue our "Worst of the Worst" review of Spider-Man: Friends & Enemies. We're up to part three... so how bad is it so far? Well, Dick Cheney won't let the CIA use it in an interrogation situation. Even he has his limits.
Spider-Man: Friends and Enemies #3
Mar 1995 : SMURF 398.780 : SM Title
Summary: Darkhawk, Speedball, Nova, Meta-Humes
"We let the Metahumes get away! We blew it!" emotes Spider-Man, "Oh, why didn't I chase that van. I'm so cross I need to fight with the rest of the heroes." Well, that last bit he doesn't say, but he does do it. Well, it passes a couple of pages. That's what counts.
Meanwhile, "The Hostiles" visit the Metahumes and zap Flynn with a disintegrator ray. Now the 'humes aren't under his power. But "The Hostiles" (who look just like "The Jury") have captured the nearest and dearest of all of the Metahumes. Obviously, Danny tired of the plotline where the innocents were forced to work for an evil force, and decided to replace it with one where the innocents were co-erced into working for an evil force.
Oh, but anyhow, since "The Hostiles" have captured the family and friends of "The Metahumes", they have no choice but to follow them "...Until their Deaths..." thinks one of the Hostiles. Ouch!
"The Hostiles" release the other hostages that Flynn (now dead) took last issue. Their hovercraft turns off it's invisibility field and flies away. Yeah, that's corny. The heroes turn up, but it's too late. But the former hostages tell the heroes where they went to. Of course. So if the Hostiles are so happy to kill people, why did they let Flynn's hostages go? Oh, just don't ask. Accept that fact that it's all stupid, and let's just finish this thing.
Darkhawk has enhanced vision capabilities, and a stealth mode which is better than The Hostiles, so he can see their hovercraft and he flies off. Spider-Man receive a personal mental picture from one of the Metahumes, telling them (even though the sender didn't in fact know that the heroes were there) where to find the Metahumes' family and friends (even though that was never revealed).
The heroes go and rescue the innocent relatives, but it's too late to save "The Metahumes", who are being subject to unspeakable energy waves in a carefully manufactured facility, custom built to hold the six of them... even though they only gained their two days ago. Well, villains build stuff quick, don't you know!
Darkhawk turns up, and is defeated. The rest of the heroes arrive seconds later, and are defeated. They are all placed in the fancy vertical liquid filled glass jars of which villains are so fond. There are now magically 10 of these jars. How handy. They are all subjected to such an intense pain "that death seems their most pleasant prospect." Kind of how reading this story makes you feel.
But why? This is revealed... "Flynn should never have left our group," they say. So he left his ultra-high tech comrades and billion dollar lab to become a card-shark? Err... OK. "These ten have the secrets of the crystals." Huh, which is why they're killing them? And anyhow, six of them do, the others don't know hardly a thing. "We will discover these secrets and sell them to the highest bidder." Oh, obviously. And the first thing you do with any super-power experiment is kill the subject.
The corners on my copy are very neatly cut, and the staples are beautifully done.
Half a web.